Is there a girl in your life that you really like, and are wondering if it’s time to make it exclusive?
Or, perhaps you’re simply wondering if she’s expecting you to ask soon.
Regardless, it can be difficult to know when the right time is to ask someone to be your girlfriend. So, in this article, we’ll look over a few different factors, so you can help to determine when the right time is for you.
Without any further ado, let’s get started!
Wait At Least A Few Dates
As a general rule of thumb, you’ll want to wait at least a few dates, even if everything seems to be going perfectly.
Generally, a minimum of five dates is needed to even begin to really know a person, and engage in enough discussion to really start to understand who they are.
However, many couples admit that it took more than 10 dates before the idea of exclusivity even entered their heads.
Ultimately, there’s a few things you want to know before becoming someone’s boyfriend. For example…
- What are their real values? What do they really want out of life?
- Are the two of you compatible on the things that are important to you?
- How much of a relationship does each person want? If you want to see them every day but they have a lot of obligations outside the relationship, this can be problematic.
- How do they handle the difficulties life throws at them?
Obviously, you will continue to learn more about her after she becomes your girlfriend. However, it’s important to know whether or not the relationship has any chance of actually lasting, before you two become exclusive.
Therefore, going on a number of dates before you ask is a good idea.
Consider How Fast Things Are Moving
Next, you’ll want to take into account how fast the relationship is actually moving.
While going on multiple dates a week can speed up the total amount of time it takes for you two to become exclusive, it’s not without its problems as well.
For example, life events take time to unfold. There may be different periods of time where, for example, she comes under financial stress that she does not handle well. Or, she may have obligations that pop up at different times of the month.
Allowing the both of you more time to really ‘feel each other’ and discover how you two approach life can be beneficial for the both of you.
Of course, if you are seeing each other frequently outside of a dating context, you may consider moving things along more quickly. Still, it is often better to wait a bit longer, than to rush into exclusivity – especially if she is currently dating other people as well.
Seek Her Thoughts On The Matter
If you’ve gone on a number of dates now, it’s natural that she might start to wonder where the relationship is going as well.
If you feel comfortable doing so, why not casually bring up the idea of exclusivity, without directly asking her to go exclusive with you?
For example, it may be appropriate to ask her about her past relationships with other people at this point, or to find out what she’s hoping to get out of a relationship with a guy.
If you’re unsure how she feels, it’s best to approach this with a casual, non-confrontational attitude. If she’s not ready to make a decision, avoid pressuring her into feeling like she needs to know an answer right now.
Many girls wait for the guys to ‘propose’ the idea of exclusivity to them. She may be completely ready, or it may be the last thing on her mind.
By understanding a bit about how she feels, you will not only have a better idea of when to bring it up – but how to approach it when you do!
Is There Really Long-Term Potential? Where Will It Go?
Finally, you should wait to ask her to be your girlfriend until you’re sure there’s long-term potential.
Unless you are both expecting your relationship to be short-term, it’s important that you have faith the relationship will last.
For example, you may ask yourself – assuming everything went right – and knowing everything you know right now, could you realistically see yourself marrying this girl someday?
Are you holding onto any attachments to anyone else? Are you willing to let them go?
There is no point in wasting your time and hers, if you know the relationship is doomed before it really starts. Instead, it’s better to cut things off early, so the both of you can focus on finding someone you’re more compatible with.
It’s only fair to the both of you.
Unfortunately no specific time you should wait to ask someone to be your girlfriend. Each relationship and its situation is different, so you will need to use your best judgement.
However, it’s a good idea to wait until you know whether there is real long-term potential in the relationship. For many couples, this takes at least 5 dates, though 10 or more is also quite common.
Of course, if you have any questions, feel free to answer them via the comments below and we’ll be happy to help.
– James and Amara